 Friday, June 19, 2009
 at 10:59 PMWeather : Typical Mood : Troubled 2 ppl got into TJ again.Not that Im not happy for them.Its just that....how do I describe this feeling?Kinda regret not going for DSA?And a little jealousy.I dont know why Im so troubled about this even though its my decision not to go for DSA.I really should be studying but yet...I keep thinking that I definitely can and will make it.High self confidence taking over me again.I really hate this yet Im doing it again.I just seem to cant make myself study.Funny huh?Im saying this and unhappy about it yet Im not doing a single thing... Not as if my results are perfect...they are bad yet I really dont feel like caring. Some times I get the feeling that I will end up in poly.And during school days,I even had nights dreaming about flunging my O's.And I will wake up crying and scared. Contradicting thing is that,when the next day I go to school,I day dream throughout the period.I go home,I watch videos,sleep and cant even bother finishing my homework.Seriously...Whats wrong with me?! I keep judging others,yet I just wasnt smart enough to judge myself. I really want to do well...yet Im so lazy. I keep telling myself...tomorrow...study tomorrow,relax first. And when tomorrow comes,I tell myself the same thing.Seriously,I cant stand myself sometimes...Like Im angry about something but yet to cause less trouble,I rather shut up and I get really upset inside.I dont know what Im up to seriously.I dont wanna disappoint anyone...and I tell myself too...yet...I just cant buck up. Much sigh...FML. And recently,I cant sleep really well at night.And I dont know why I started thinking about my past.Can I say Im fucking embarrassed?Like WTH was I doing back then seriously?So many embarrassing actions haunting me...Back then,I tokk lykee diss worx...( no offense to people who type like this,seriously,its just me.) and I found this typing very kawaii nehxzxz ( again...no offence.) And back then,I was like in love with 5566.No offense to those 5566 fans seriously,Im not embarrassed about being their hardcore fans.Im embarrassed by myself back then.Like I was so into them for years ok...I mean YEARS!And I was like a fucking cao ah lian back then.Not to mention the way I dress...Like who the hell puts pink top and bright yellow skirt together?!Who the hell?! ( No offense again,its just my clothes ). Like why the hell would I wear that.Now that I think of,I really applaud myself for the effing guts I had man.Also,as a hard core fan,I queued up early for their autograph session.Im not embarrass about queuing up seriously,cause hardcore fans do do that. Its just that the way I approach them is just like some crazy bitch.Not to mention the way I talk to people.Fucking CAL. Also...life wasnt better back then with the fucking haircut.Gosh...remembering the haircut makes me wanna stab myself.Like why of all slant?(No offense again). Why oh why?And the way I speak...where got sia?Have MEH?HOSEH! ( No offense,its just me,I dont like myself speaking like that).Like who in the world will be attracted to a girl who has the slant hair cut,country pumpkin dressing and speaks like that?! And I swear I was a total bitch back then.If people disliked me,I definitely knew why.And I will never blame them for hating me back then cause now that I think of,I would hate myself too. Finally,last year.I sort of woke up.Like I typed in proper English.Although its not perfect but at least its not singlish.And I started to carry myself well.I stop the ahlian actions,stop buying clothes that makes me look CAL.And suddenly, I've just upgraded myself.Thank god seriously.Although people just think Im a spoiled bitch but at least I carry myself well now.I learn how to walk properly,speak properly,and totally realise what a proper girl should be.And I totally moved on into loving EDISON CHEN. Come on man,Admit it!Without the sex scandal,he's still the hot ED Chen right? Like imagine him without the scandal.He's still damn hot and cute aint it? Like when he appeared in infernal affairs series.Dont tell me you didnt find him hot?I would never buy it.Ok ok...nearer movies like Initial D?Stop lying to yourself that he's hot. I myself as a girl,probably just me,I dont give a damn about his sex scandal. Maybe its just me or what, but frankly speaking,it didnt affect me at all.Yes I know,like are you a woman or what?He kept those photos. So?Its his private life anyway.As an audience,its his acting that counts isnt it? And come on,he's still an eye candy right?Hot face,cute smile,owns a hot car and is damn bloody rich.Dont tell me you've never been into Ed Chen.I dont buy it. I cant wait for him to be back on screen! Im glad I finally realise what is it to become a 'higher class' person.Not saying that Im rich or proud or whatever.I just wanna upgrade myself and stop carrying myself so lowly as ever.Yes,as my close girlfriends would know why...I didnt really expect this blog post to be this long..I just wanted to throw everything out before it gets into me. Im feeling much better now,now that Im a better person =) . I should be happy. It took quite alot of courage to post this,although not alot of ppl view my blog. But oh well,its still viewable to many ppl.So yeah,please dont judge me because of my words. Last but not least,no offense for the nth time. Listening to : Thank you - Kim Jong Kook Labels: my life xoxo, Happy thoughts! |
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